“Hi, looking for a serious relationship” – A message from Karen pops up.
In the middle of work, while I am swamped and concentrating in front of the computer screen. My phone vibrates and breaks my concentration. Someone new wants to enter my life, or so my favorite dating application claims.
I take a look at the profile to check if her basic details suit me. Oops, no picture. Actually, no description, nothing! How disappointing….I am about to close the application and go back to work, but my curiosity gets the better of me. Angelina Jolie just became available, or maybe she is a Mossad agent? What have I got to lose? I choose to ignore the little devil sitting on my shoulder and remind myself that in most cases they are usually “no good”.
I send a response: “I hope this does not sound too shallow, but it would be good to see your picture before we continue. You know, I am male and a picture is worth a thousand words.”
She asks for my number so she can send her picture on WhatsApp. I go with the flow and send her my number (that’s me, I flow).
Karen doesn’t wait and really does send me her picture. The picture, how can I put it, is “OK”, totally “OK”. Not A-OK, don’t take it too far. The rumors about Angelina Jolie were premature.
My level of interest in Karen immediately plunges. Even before it had awakened.
The next evening around 10:30 and I am with my family. There is a pile of kids next to me on the sofa enjoying sushi, a movie, and some popcorn. We are all drowsy when my phone startles everyone. I answer. Karen is on the other end (no, I did not believe that we would talk, and no, there was no forewarning message). I explain that it is not a good time, as I am with my kids. We make plans to talk the next day, after work.
The next day, as promised, I call Karen on the way home from work. Not perfect timing. The show she is at is about to start. This feels a little like Tom and Jerry. Another day goes by, and this time Karen's call catches me on the way home from the supermarket, with piles of groceries for Shabbat. In the end it happens. We manage to synch and talk. And you know what? The conversation was just like the picture, totally “OK” The truth is – I was not motivated to make an effort to set up a date for the weekend. Do you know the questionnaire for when the conversation is a bit stuck? “Where are you from?” Turns out she is from Haifa. I live in Tel Aviv (which totally appears in my dating profile). A simple calculation reveals a one and a half hour drive in each direction. I understand thank you very much, this is way over my head. What is she thinking? She said she was looking for a serious relationship? Even for a “hookup”, Haifa is way too far.
Nothing prepares me for the message I receive the following day. Shalom, it’s Karen, all disappointed and frustrated, complaining that I didn’t even suggest to pick her up and take her for a drink! Maybe if she had offered to meet half way…
In today’s reality time is a scarce resource. We are busy with work and activities, trying to achieve more and more, so that most of the hours of the day and night are dedicated to work and sleep (aspiring for it be next to a loving partner). If we do have spare time we don’t want to waste it in traffic.
Flashback: After my divorce, a dating site matched me with a “very good” to “excellent” match from Jerusalem. The only glimmer of hope was that she had family in Tel Aviv. Our first date was planned for Friday, a little before her usual Friday dinner in the center of Israel. Chemistry was working in our favor.
There is no chance that I will forget the events that occurred that day. I finished work and spontaneously called her and suggested to visit her in the holy city. She happily said “sure, come”. I got in my car, turned on Waze, and sent her the ETA (I have learned that a woman needs time to get ready.) What could go wrong? I have a company car. Gas is being paid by the company. A night in Jerusalem with a loving woman – who needs more? I pass Ben Gurion airport and think to myself that it has been three months since I was abroad, too long. The stream of traffic begins to slow and Waze recalculates. Turns out there was an accident with casualties and the road is blocked. Apparently, I would arrive in Jerusalem around spring time. That same evening I conceded the woman from Jerusalem.
A decision crystalized – I am staying in greater Tel Aviv area.
The more I love, the more I want – more together, more experiences, more embraces, more sex, much more. I want to take advantage of the time together. If the geographical distance is too far, the time a spent on the road takes away from the time spent with a loving partner, and I prefer hugs on the sofa and in bed than with the steering wheel.
Proximity is not just the key. Finding a partner is a big project. To build an intimate relationship and shared experiences is a giant challenge in itself. If it is hard to set up a date because of work, kids, hobbies – then it is likely that the relationship won’t last. I always repeat to myself: “If it’s not simple, then it simply will not be.” I want to invest in the relationship, not in the logistics surrounding it.
I remember a phone call one morning: “My sink is blocked, save me!!!!” I got in my car and within 10 minutes it was under control. Maybe you can find your love on the other side of the ocean, but it is a little challenging to hug her…..
Remember always: Size, and distance, always matter
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