As part of my quest to find the second love of my life, I, like everyone else, browse through dating sites and popular apps. I mostly move my finger to the left; and here and there to the right, to find a match. I read Tracy’s profile, was excited and laughed from Mandy’s profile and appreciated that Dawn wrote in prose (nice surprise) – and found, quite surprisingly, that almost every profile I read is seeking ”ready for a serious relationship”, in one version or another; as if they must apply the golden rule of some “mega” relationship expert, and write "looking for a serious relationship", or the profile isn’t complete.
Even on sites and apps that aren’t platforms for a long-term relationship, I’m surprised to find those that write (guess what …) "is looking for a serious relationship."
Already 2,000 years ago it was said "When in Rome……do as the Romans do". So you took the plunge and signed up for a site that promises location-based entertainment (and not necessarily marriage), and from this step, young women of 30-40 are endlessly approached by guys in their 20s and also their parents, who are hitting their 60s – to add insult to injury too? After all, this application earned its high reputation honestly, no? You and us together, we created this reputation. So, why insist where it’s difficult? Why not aim for the right one? True, it’s easier when you don’t have to get off the couch and can be satisfied from sliding your finger to the left, left and again left until one just barely goes right – that’s a good enough reason? Meanwhile, yes the ice cream you are eating is really good and the silly TV show in to the background isn’t interesting, but wouldn’t it be better as two?
Let's talk a little about content. Try to be original – something that will get us excited, smile inside and feel that we have found something special enough to make us stop browsing and select your profile. Do you know anyone who doesn’t like traveling abroad or enjoys dinner in a gourmet restaurant? Your picture has already caught our eyes, so it would really be nice if you would also let us feel you through your words.
I remember my conversation with Sherry. When I told her that I’m not looking for a "serious relationship", her response surprised me big time. "Good," she said, because anyone who writes that he is looking for a serious relationship is totally not.
Between us, if every other card expresses it’s a path to the altar (or at least living together long-term) and it’s a mandatory prerequisite, the most obvious thing for us to do is also write "looking for a serious relationship." This opens the door for other dating matches, regardless of what we truly want. Simply stated – a “Slam Dunk”.
The Bible tells us about King Saul, who set out to seek donkeys and found a kingdom. In my experience, there isn’t always a connection between what is written in the profile and the reality. The well-known truth is that men need and want two things (yes, it has been written about thousands of times – sex and food). Beyond that, everything else is a bonus, and we have no idea what we're really looking for.
If you want a serious relationship, simply begin with a relationship; and transform it into something serious and significant over time. I'm a big believer in actions and not declarations. After all, what matters is what happens out there on the court "where do we meet, how do we behave, how do we react to each other, etc.
No man has ever left a warm and cozy place. If it will feel great with you every morning, yes, yes, you, the one reading these lines at this very moment, I will choose you again every morning. Who has the energy to start the quest over and over, to pass an extended questionnaire (Style, CIA/FBI), to waste time on redundant dates and retell my life story over and over again or, alternatively, to listen to your heart-wrenching story about your ex (or another mythical ex), just because it’s not polite to cut out as soon as we see the date is not what we were hoping for.
So, less talking – more action. Want a serious relationship? Me too! But instead of talking about the nature of our relationship, I prefer to experience it, to turn thoughts into reality and not declarations.
Winter is coming, and being in bed alone, though roomier, feels much colder and emptier.
Statements are a basis for negotiations, which in most cases do not end well, and each side with his/her own cards. Each side, in turn, tries to hide their flaws, some of which cause them to flee from relationships.
Let's try, at first, to be in touch. Then, let’s try to give each other a warm and cozy feeling. Only once we can accomplish that, in the second phase, our relationship will transform into something meaningful, and suddenly a few years will have passed and we find ourselves together, happily ever after. Sometimes, even a ring will pop up along the way. So, let's get started without labels of a "serious relationship" and go from there.
Just like King Saul, what matters is what we find, and not necessarily what we are looking for. And don’t forget, a place that feels like home is a place we will always want to come back to and to hopefully grow old together….. and live happily ever after.
Liked it? Share it, comments are welcome…. a "Like" is also good.
Didn't like it? It's important, so tell me why.
Now is the time to Like my Facebook page.
More articles in the series – "Looking for a serious relationship":